In Defense of Marriage

“I believe that one day either the people or the courts will recognize gay marriage.”
- Gov Arnold Schwarzenegger – an opponent of Prop. 8 - commenting on Tuesday’s California Supreme Court’s ruling

This Tuesday, the California State Supreme Court ruled Proposition 8 was an amendment, and not a revision to the California State constitution, and upheld its provisions. Prop 8 is the voter approved initiative that defines a legal marriage as something that can only occur between a man and a woman. At the same time the Court recognized 18,000 same sex marriages that had taken place before Proposition 8 was passed.

The Supreme Court was not ruling on whether same sex marriage should be legal – they did that several years ago – but only if Prop 8 was a revision of the California State constitution or simply an amendment. If it were a revision, it would have required a higher standard for passage than a simple majority vote on a ballot initiative and it would be void. Over the years, the California Supreme Court has declared only two ballot initiatives revisions and not amendments to the constitution. So what happened Tuesday was not a surprise.

Members of the “straight marriage only” crowd are very happy. They feel they have defended a key institution from further corrosion. Speaking for myself, a heterosexual partner in a successful long-term marriage, my marriage has never been in danger because gay members of my family have married, my neighbors have married, or that five states allow same sex marriage. It would be a weak marriage indeed if that were the case.

The straight marriage only crowd, also says marriage was created by the deity for people to procreate and start a family – something that many same sex couples are unable to do. That defines marriage as an act that is unique because of sex. If you can have sex in a certain way, that can have a certain result, then you can be married. If not, then you can’t.

This view is, in itself a threat to the institution, because it ignores what marriage really is. The defining characteristics of marriage is a commitment through love two people make to each other, to bond and build a life together. Such a commitment, takes love, understanding, support, patience, and so much more. To say that two people of the same gender cannot achieve this bond is absurd.

The good news is Prop 8 seems to have been some sort of tipping point. When people nationwide saw the massive protests after Prop 8 passed, they saw their neighbors, coworkers, daughters, sons, sisters and brothers. They saw their best friends growing up, or people they had been to school with. They saw elderly couples who had been together for decades and decades, middle aged couples who were raising families, and couples who wanted the right to visit each other in the hospital.

These protests gave a human face to the issue for people who didn’t live near big gay communities. They didn’t see the freaks the far right had warned them about, who wanted to recruit their children and marry sheep (an argument against gay rights that you do hear). Instead they saw average people denied a right not because of anything they had done, but simply for being who they were. It was no accident that after those protests, support for marriage equality rose in California, to the point that in December of 2008, Prop 8 would have been soundly defeated.

Another error that the straight marriage only crowd makes, is confusing a sacrament with a civil act. A sacrament is a religious action conferred on the faithful – like communion, baptism, or Bar Mitzvah. The straight marriage only crowd says they are defending the sanctity of this sacrament. That may be so – if their churches are beginning to recognize same sex marriage. The rights and privileges of the sacrament of marriage are defined by each church according to its doctrine.

But marriage is also an act of civil law. Marriage in civil law confers rights and benefits that have nothing to do with partaking in the holy sacrament of marriage. One can have a legal marriage without the sacrament, but you can’t have a legal marriage without the civil act. Many couples go to the court house (or Vegas) to get married, and never step inside a church.

As “None” continues to become the fastest growing religious preference in America, the sacramental aspect of marriage becomes less relevant for people. If you believe that marriage is a sacrament that can only be conferred on a heterosexual couple, then join a church with that doctrine; just don’t make that doctrine the law of the land.

The Governor is right. It will only be a matter of time before marriage equality is California law. It is likely that there will be another ballot measure affirming marriage equality on the June 2010 primary ballot. If current trends hold that measure will pass. Then California will be able to stand with other states, and defend the right of two people, regardless of gender, to legally pledge their lives to each other in a commitment of love.